Gone are the days of tired farm animals and circus show pachyderms representing political parties. Now we have political parties based on your favorite beverage. The Tea Party. The Coffee Party. The Pissed Off Party. OK, technically speaking the POP isn’t a beverage; it’s only the after effects. And now introducing my Mountain Dew Party.
Teabaggers
First came The Tea Party which reportedly began as a legitimate anti-tax political movement. Now it seems to have been taken over by the racists, the illiterate and screaming-at-the-mouth protestors who taunt the homeless, spit on Congressmen and hurl racist slurs. Of course it doesn’t help that the person most associated with the movement is Sarah Palin, even though she’s a paid spokesperson.
Java Junkies
The Coffee Party recently emerged as an alternative to the Tea Party. According to its website, The Coffee Party is based on the underlying principle that the government is “not the enemy of the people, but the expression of our collective will, and that we must participate in the democratic process in order to address the challenges we face as Americans.” Its stated goals include getting cooperation in government and removing corporate influence from politics.
The nascent Pissed Off Party is devoted to removing ALL incumbents from office. You don’t even have to change your party affiliation to participate. If you’re Republican, just vote out all the incumbent Republicans and vote for new Republicans. Likewise for Democrats or Independents.
Younger, Hipper, More Caffeinated
In view of the new world of political parties associated with beverages, I’m starting my own political party named after my favorite beverage: Mountain Dew. The Mountain Dew Party will be younger (work with me here), hipper, more caffeinated, and riding a sugar high. That means we’re more alert and we’ve got more stamina. We can outlast you no matter what you toss at us.
Interested in joining? We’re going to need to recruit members and raise funds. We’ll also need to hire a spokesperson. I’m thinking Carrot Top since he’s creative, energetic and no doubt could hold his own against Sarah Palin. But a spokesperson doesn’t come cheap. Sarah Palin reportedly banked $100,000 from her appearance at the Teabaggers’ Nashville gathering. No word yet on how much she’s raking in from her cross country tour. Come on, you didn’t think she was doing this just because she believed in the Teabaggers’ cause, did you?
I’m in!