Suspenders – I wore them as a kid and I fully expect to wear them in old age. After all, it’s in my genes. My uncle Bo had to wear suspenders later in life. He used to joke about it. That’s what happens when your butt sags, he would say.
But I never thought about the joy of suspenders in the bedroom. No, I’m not getting kinky here. I’ve always agreed with Bette Midler who said she considered going kinky until she realized you had to order all that expensive accoutrement.
Sometime during the past few years, sheet manufacturers decided to make sheets big – really big, even the fitted ones. Although I have a Tempur-pedic mattress and it’s an eight incher – thick that is, the so-called fitted sheets, no matter what brand I buy, aren’t snug after only one night’s sleep. The rumpled sheets interfere with the effectiveness of the wonderful Tempur-pedic experience. Instead of it being like sleeping on a cloud, it’s like sleeping on a thundercloud.
Enough already! There’s got to be a solution, I decided. Searching the internet I discovered there are sheet suspenders. And there are two options. The smaller ones that fasten to each of the four corners or two longer ones that run from the top to the bottom of the bed.
I’m a huge fan of ordering online. I’ve bought everything from my car to leather chairs and a coffee table to art work online. However, I resent paying a $6 shipping fee for something as small as sheet suspenders that cost less than $15. So off I went shopping, not realizing how difficult it would be to find sheet suspenders in the stores, despite the numerous resources online. Sometimes it’s just easier to pay the shipping fees.
The third store I hit had the type that fits in four corners. I didn’t expect them to work but since they were only $6, I decided to give them a try anyway. They did help somewhat, but I really needed the big boys, top to bottom.
Off I go shopping again. Macy’s doesn’t carry them. JCPenney used to carry them but stopped a few years ago. Kohl’s only had the four-pack variety. Anna’s Linens was sold out. The associate told me a lot of people had been buying them lately. Apparently they’re like me; they’ve just discovered the joys of suspenders in the bed. Note to sheet manufacturers – you’re making the sheets too big if so many people have to buy suspenders. Or, do you own the suspender business, too?
Bed, Bath and Beyond! Of course, why didn’t I go there first? BB&B had both styles and I didn’t even have to venture into the “Beyond” department. I got the top to bottom variety, snapped them on last night – and Viola! Sleeping on my Tempur-pedic is again like sleeping on a cloud. I’m off to float on my cloud and get some Zzz’s now.
good old American spirit there!