Mounting a Political Campaign: It’s a Tricky Game, Folks!

A long-time condo board member has decided not to run for reelection next month, so it’s time for me to take the plunge. Get into the political game. Run for the Board of Directors. Since the economy forced me into semi-retirement, I can no longer use my job as an excuse.

Unlike those residents in previous years who simply stood up at the annual meeting and announced they were running for election to the board, I’ve decided to mount a campaign.

First I’ll need flyers to distribute so resident voters will know who I am and what my position is on issues facing our complex. Since many people may have seen me around but don’t know my name, I better add a picture to the flyer.

I’ll include my dog Bailey in the picture. After all, advertising agencies have been using dogs to sell things for years.  Look at all those dogs in the pictures of products in magazine and newspaper ads. Target even uses a dog!

But many residents are cat people. They might be turned off, at least subconsciously, by a dog. A friend, who had been president of her homeowners association, suggested I cover both basis by including a dog and a cat in the picture and loaned me one of her cats.

Picture Day. Bailey is perfectly agreeable and even seems to like the cat. But for some reason Snooki doesn’t want to be photographed with Bailey. Maybe he’s afraid his buddies will think he’s consorting with “the enemy.” We try and try but no luck, so we scratch the photo idea of the candidate with the dog and cat.

Babies always make good political props. But I don’t have any readily available. Wonder if Sarah Palin would loan me one of her brood? She’s up in Nashville with the teabaggers this weekend.

On to the rest of the flyer – the informational aspects. Got to let voters know my position on issues facing our complex.

• Improved landscaping. The landscaping is aging and needs updating. Oh, but to do that will require a fee increase and too many residents are opposed to that. Better stay away from talking about landscaping.
• The parking space assignment issue. I’m for it, as long as they don’t paint the unit number on the space. If the space is empty, it’s a pretty good clue that the resident is not home and thus a welcome sign for burglars. Oh, but some residents are upset at the parking space they are being assigned because they want a parking space closer to the door. I better tiptoe around the parking space issue for now.
• Maintenance can be slow. I’m all for improving the response time. But wait, to improve maintenance we will need a fee increase. Another issue to tiptoe around for now.
• Cutting off water to units where the owners are late on their fees. Yes, we have to do something to force them to pay. But wait, they can still vote. I can’t say we should cut their water off or I’ll lose their vote.

Too many landmines to maneuver around! Maybe those candidates who simply stand up at the annual meeting and announce that they’re willing to serve on the board have the right approach. Or maybe I can dig up dirt on other candidates and get them disqualified. Wonder if any of the married men are having an affair with someone in the rival complex down the street? Maybe one of them has fathered a child in that affair? It’s investigation time. What’s the National Enquirer’s phone number?

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