Party Crashers, a Butterball Baby, Men Kissing and GOP Purity

The Week that Was: Thanksgiving week is usually uneventful except for the Macy’s parade, the dog show and a few football games, but not this time.

A couple of celebrity wannabes crashed a state dinner at the White House. In the process they destroyed party crashing for the rest of us by setting the bar too high. And now Michaele and Tareq Salahi want the media to pay them for an interview! Yeah, right!

Media vultures are circling Tiger Woods waiting for an explanation of why he crashed his SUV. As usual, the media is missing the real story: Which golf club did his wife use to break the car window to free him and was the club damaged?

Adam Lambert raised a ruckus with his sexually charged performance on the American Music Awards and even kissed a guy, though I totally missed that. My mind was still processing that woman being pulled across the stage by her leg and those people on leashes. Anyway, big deal! Doesn’t anybody remember those wild rockers from the 60s and 70s? Bravo to the CBS Early Show for picking up Lambert after ABC canceled his appearance on GMA. BTW, ABC, you do know that men kiss on the afternoon soaps, don’t you?

But wait, there’s more. A woman gave birth to a turkey-size baby (15 pounds) and nicknamed him Butterball. Thank goodness she didn’t have more, or we might have gone through the entire Thanksgiving meal for names. Can’t you just see Lil’ Sweet Potato?

Paula “Hey, Y’all” Dean got hit in the face with a ham but it was an accident. Otherwise sons Jamie and Bobby would have been out there whooping up on the guy who tossed it. Jon and Kate ended their show. Now maybe those kids can have some normalcy in their lives, if that’s possible with those two as parents.

GOP Purity? Republicans are toying with the idea of a “purity test” for candidates. A brainchild of the more conservative wing of the party, the “purity test” would deny financing and endorsements to candidates who don’t adhere to 10 core principles. Sounds racist to me but I’m sure Glenn and Rush will love it.

What Were They Thinking? Radio Shack deleted “radio” from their name because they thought it made them sound dated. Then they resurrected a 40 year old concept for their latest TV spot. Products, with arms and legs added, dance into the entrance of a Shack store to the tune of “Let’s all go to the movies.”

Leggo the Eggo: For those feeling deprived by the shortage of Kellogg’s frozen Eggo waffles, try Trader Joe’s frozen croissants. They even come in chocolate. Only problem is you have to remember to take them out of the freezer so they can rise overnight before you bake them for breakfast.

Christmas Gift Idea that Boggles the Mind: Kitty wigs. http://kittywigs.com/wigs.html  MeowNO!

Better Holiday Gift Idea — Movie Passes: Never mind that Sandra Bullock seems to be impersonating Kathy Lee Gifford with a Southern accent and Tim McGraw sports a bad weave, The Blind Side is heartwarming holiday fun.  It depicts the true story of Michael Oher, an oversized, under-educated, homeless African-American teen who is taken in by a well-to-do white family who help him fulfill his potential. At the same time, Oher’s presence in their lives leads them to some insightful self-discoveries.

Speaking of movies, Robin Williams was making the talk show rounds this week to promote his latest endeavor and prove that he is doing well after heart surgery: “When I was younger they said drugs would kill you. Now my doctor says I have to take them to live.”

Ol’ Time Religion? A burglar who broke into a church near Atlanta and took expensive technical equipment left behind an apology. A note scrawled on the wall said: “Sorry but I’m poor. Forgive me Lord.”

Sweet Revenge: Broncos coach Josh McDaniels reportedly taunted a group of San Diego Chargers linebackers during warm-ups, at one point saying, “We own you!” Then the Chargers beat the Broncos 32-3 knocking Denver out of first place in the AFC West.

Oh yes, the stock market took a hit this week after reports that Dubai was seeking to delay payments on its $59 billion debt, rekindling concerns about emerging economies in Indonesia, Brazil and China.

Week in Review: Werewolves and Vampires, Sarah and Oprah, Martha and Rachael, and a Gun Tax Holiday in SC

Coincidence? Sarah Palin appears on Oprah and the same week Oprah calls it quits for her long-running talk show? Speaking of Sarah, she took a slap at Levi for taking his shirt off for Playgirl. (Yeah, there are rumors he’s revealing more but only rumors.) Sarah, did you see your 40ish pin-up pose on the cover of Newsweek? Not that I’m complaining.

So you don’t think the Republican Party is in trouble? A poll released this week shows that 61% of Republicans think Sarah Palin is qualified to be President. Come on Comrades, didn’t you learn anything from the extremism of Barry Goldwater?

At the Movies: For those of us who don’t care to see guys morphing into werewolves, half naked vampires or the world being destroyed, there’s Pirate Radio. What a wonderful trip down memory lane featuring music from the 60s!

Mobile Advertising: Mercedes Benz’s has painted a city bus in Atlanta to promote the car company. Highly visual, but who are they appealing to? Nobody who rides a bus or even looks at a bus can afford a Mercedes.

Give Me a Break: A woman robs a bank in Atlanta and continues talking on her cell phone the entire time? All caught on the bank’s camera. Could she not read the sign saying please turn off your cell phone before approaching the counter? Maybe Georgia needs to offer a course in remedial reading for potential bank robbers.

Worst Political Ad: Atlanta mayoral candidate Kasim Reed may well be the better qualified candidate, but you’d never know it. In vague onscreen promos Reed has been proclaiming for weeks that he will move Atlanta in a new direction without ever giving any specifics. Wake up, Atlanta, demand to know his plan! His opponent, Mary Norwood (pronounced Gnawwood in the spots), lists a litany of improvements for the financially troubled city.

Earlobe Rejuvenation Anyone? TV’s The Doctors must be running out of body parts to nip and tuck. This week they had a feature on how to correct wrinkled earlobes. FGS just get a new hair style to covers those monsters.

Speaking of hair, George Deavours, aka GeorgeDHairGuy, has a sign hanging in his salon that reads: I’m a hairdresser, not a magician. And yet he works magic on me every three weeks.

Say It Isn’t So! Martha Stewart listens to rap on her iPod? That’s what the Domestic Diva revealed on Rachael Ray’s show where she was all smiles and compliments. The next evening she was on Nightline trashing Rachael. That’s NOT a good thing, Martha!

Shocker of the Week: I wonder if either of those TV divas has a waffle recipe? Kellogg announced a lengthy shortage for its Eggo frozen waffles. The cause: the September floods in the Atlanta area (which also flooded my condo) at one plant and mechanical problems at another. The real shocker isn’t that there’s a shortage, but that people actually care.

Poor Chaz (Chastity) Bono on GMA this week updating the world on the progress of her sex reassignment and sweating so profusely that you could see beads on his/her forehead just like a man under fire.

Cheap Guns: ONLY in the Wild West state of South Carolina: “Second Amendment Weekend.” That’s what the 48-hour tax break for gun buyers is being called. It begins just after midnight the Friday after Thanksgiving. No state or local sales taxes on handguns, rifles and shotguns. Stock up, guys.

What’s Wrong with This Picture:  They make you have car insurance. They make you have house insurance. But they don’t care if you have health insurance. – Wanda Sykes.

Oh, yes, the Senate voted to start debating healthcare reform this week.

Week in Review: J.Lo Finally Makes a Movie Everyone Wants to See; Levi Johnston Does it with Protection; Sammy Sosa Turns White; and then there’s Chia Obama

You might think we are in the U.K. the way sex topped the news last week. All that was missing was a cross-dressing politician. 

Instead we got Jennifer Lopez’s ex husband threatening to release a sex tape from their honeymoon. FGS, it was their honeymoon! As consenting adults, they’re entitled to do whatever – as long as they didn’t destroy the hotel room. Conan O’Brien had the last word on the tape: It’s the first J.Lo movie anyone has wanted to see in 10 years.

Speaking of Conan, how can anyone living in sunny southern California be so untanned? Maybe Sammy Sosa should ask for “the full Conan” next time he goes in for another skin lightening treatment.

Controversial beauty queen and former Miss California Carrie Prejean came out to promote her new book, for anybody who cared, but ended up defending her recently surfaced erotic video. Whether it’s a sex tape or not apparently is a source of debate since she flies solo on it.  UPDATE: Latest word is that she has done eight of these tapes – alone! Can’t she find a partner? These tapes must have been made before her breast implants.

Then we had sport analyst Steve Phillips’ mistress Brooke Hundley showing up on GMA “to take responsibility” for the anguish she caused by delivering his wife a letter detailing their affair. “I’m the woman he’s been seeing for a while now,” she wrote. “I’m not just some random girl he had sex with in parking lots.” A frantic Marni Phillips called the cops telling them a “crazy” woman was on her property. That was followed by revelations that Hundley cyberstalked Phillips’ son on Facebook, asking him questions about his parents’ love life. 

The Country Music Awards show in a thumbnail: Less big hair but still plenty of boots. Seriously, the show continued to display improved and impressive production qualities. ABC, which televised the event, shamelessly promoted the show at every opportunity — blatantly on GMA. Shame on ABC, but then the network has always been the leader when it comes to incestuous promotion, dating way back to when I was TV critic for the Fort Lauderdale newspaper.

Recycled Natural Gas: Let’s see if I understand this concept currently being promoted in Atlanta. I’m paying people to pick up my trash to put in a landfill so that they can charge me for the gas that it generates in order to heat my house. Here’s my get-even tactic – cut back on the “source material” I’m supplying them.

A Second Bailout? First we bail out Wall Street financially and now, according to reports, while the rest of us wait for the swine flu vaccine, Wall Street gets an ample supply. I guess we’re bailing out their immune systems now.

Best Fall of the Berlin Wall Joke: David Hasselhoff was there singing when the wall came down. They asked him back for the 20^th anniversary celebration but this time they immediately started building a new wall – around him while he was singing, joked Jay Leno. Also from Leno, Glenn Beck was back on the air this week after surgery, but the doctors warned him to take it easy. They told him he can only compare Obama to Hitler three times an hour.

Commercial of the week that leaves your mouth hanging open: Levi Johnston (“Bristol Palin’s Baby Daddy”) walks out on stage with a bodyguard and cracks open a pistachio. Voice over: Levi does it with protection now.

Most Reassuring Commercial: Chevy’s TV spot taking on Honda by showing Chevy’s line up that offers better gas mileage. Yes, America, we can do it! Great punch line with Howie Long saying that Honda does make something Chevy can’t compete with – lawnmowers.

Fear of Flying? After their pilot got arrested in London for showing up drunk maybe United Airlines should resurrect their old slogan, Fly the Friendly Skies. Wonder if the passengers got free drinks because the flight was delayed? Speaking of flying, NBC should resurrect “Where in the World is Matt Lauer?” on the Today show and have him fly Northwest Airlines.

Worst Christmas Gift Idea: Chia Obama — “In honor of our 44^th U.S. President” the Chia website proclaims. Yeah, right! They’re just trying to make a buck off that annually recycled product, which amazingly has survived all these years. Unbelievable!  https://www.chiaobama.com/flare/next

Oh yes, the President departed on his Far East tour last week.

Week in Review: Kirstie Alley’s Weight Lands Her a Reality Show; Wanda Sykes Hasn’t Slept with Any of Her Staff yet; Jeremy Piven Blames Soy Milk for Man Boobs

What a week! One celebrity continues to make big bucks by being fat. Another develops man boobs and, oh yes, there was an election.

Give Me a Break: Kirstie Alley is getting a reality show focusing on her “struggle” with her weight. Hasn’t she made enough money off her inability to pull back from the dinner table? First Jenny Craig and now this. Isn’t that double dipping? Get a new gimmick, Kirstie.

By the way, did you ever notice that the problem with most reality shows is they resurrect celebrities you thought were dead — or should be?

Best license plate of the week: ILUVBEN on a new Mercedes SL65 AMG being driven by a beautiful young blonde woman. I would love Ben too if he gave me one.

From Jay Leno: Wal-Mart is now selling caskets. It could be worse. If you bought it from IKEA you would have to put it together. Speaking of Leno, the Housewives of Atlanta, appearing on his show’s Battle of the Celebrity Allstars, did nothing to offset the perception that Georgia’s education system is right down there in the mud with Mississippi’s and South Carolina’s.

Best celebrity promo: Wanda Sykes, promoting her new late-night TV show, “I’m here to say I haven’t slept with anyone on my staff yet.”

Don’t you love that Macy’s 150th anniversary promo with Bob Hope, Lucille Ball, Johnny Carson and Orson Wells? There’s something warm and reassuring about it even if we can’t afford to shop at Macy’s anymore.

Most obnoxious commercial of the week: Would you mind if I paid you in Trident (sugarless gum) Layers?

And speaking of commercials, just what IS the nationality of Geico’s gecko? Will we ever be told? Such a cliffhanger.

Most confusing TV promo: California has unemployment rates hovering around 12 percent, the state’s economy is in the gutter, and yet Gov. Arnie, wife Maria and a bunch of celebrities continue to promote California as a place for people to come, work and play in a TV promo. ‘Splain, Lucy, ‘Splain. Why would you want to add to the population you can’t support?

Worse celebrity news item: First Jeremy Piven blamed sushi for mercury poisoning. Now the actor claims he grew man boobs from drinking excessive amounts of soy milk. Next he’ll be blaming some food for his acting ability not developing. Or, even worse, get a reality show focusing on his weight problem.

You’ll have to provide your own soy milk, but here’s the best coffee deal around: World Market’s whole bean French roast, 24 oz for only $8.79. A friend says the Italian roast is equally good.

Best drug-related comedy line heard this week: I could never do a drug that I had to make (like crystal meth) because I wasn’t that good at chemistry in school.

Best drug-related news item: Whoopi Goldberg joking on The View that she was moving to Breckenridge, CO, because they had just legalized pot.

Oh so true: Some people can handle alcohol and you know who you are. Some people can’t, and you don’t have a clue.

Worse sensory bombardment: You’re trying to pump gas and there above the pump is a video screen screaming at you. Hopefully that’s an experiment that will soon die.

The Last Word: While everyone was debating the significance of the two Republicans getting elected governors in the elections this week, the answer was really quite simple: It’s STILL the economy, stupid!

S. C. Deputy Asst Atty Gen Celebrates Halloween in Cemetery with Stripper

I love my home state of South Carolina. Every time I’m running low on blog material all I have to do it check the latest news in that state.

First it was Gov. Mark Sanford, the pillar of the Republican conservatives and a married man with four sons, flying off to Buenos Aires to have an affair while telling his staff he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. Then there was a news story of a man having sex with a horse which hit the headlines.

And who can forget Rep. Joe Wilson yelling “You Lie!” at President Obama during his address to the joint session of Congress or Sen. Jim DeMint, out harking his book, calling on his fellow politicians to defeat healthcare reform and make it President Obama’s Waterloo — without any concern for the huge number of uninsured Americans.

Now we have a deputy assistant attorney general and a former Republican state legislator being caught with a stripper in an SUV parked in a CEMETERY during his lunch break last Wednesday. What ever happened to those rent-by-the-hour motels? Are they’re banned in highly religious state of South Carolina?

Perhaps the deputy was just trying to keep with the upcoming Halloween holiday. Maybe the woman even looked like Elvira, Mistress of the Darkness. No picture or description of her other than that she was 18 and an employee of the Platinum Plus Gentleman’s Club, while he is 66.

He came prepared with Viagra and sex toys, according to the police report, apparently only released after The Associated Press filed for it under the Freedom of Information Act. According to the report, Deputy Assistant Attorney General Roland Corning said these items were in the SUV “just in case.” Let’s hope he also brought condoms — “just in case.”  As the officer approached the SUV, Corning reportedly sped off from the downtown cemetery but then pulled over a few blocks away.

Maybe South Carolina needs to change it license plate slogan from “Smiling Faces. Beautiful Places” to “Do as we preach, not as we do.”

Dialing for Tax Dollars

Calling all you politicians who are always screaming about taxes. You know who you are. You’re the same guys who never met a military conflict in another country that you didn’t want to fund. And yet you always scream higher taxes at the very mention of funding any domestic social programs in this country.

Since you’re such experts on taxation, maybe you can explain my telephone bill and do something about the nearly $11 I pay each month in an assortment of incomprehensible taxes.

I consider myself reasonably intelligent. I’m a college graduate. Even had a scholarship to college. I also did some post graduate work. But understanding lower case AT&T’s monthly statement for my landline is beyond my intellectual capabilities.

When did understanding your phone bill require that you be a member of Mensa? And when did a telephone become a luxury item and get taxes heaped on it? Wake up, America, a telephone has been as essential as gas and electricity now for at least half a century. I don’t see all these ad-on taxes on my gas or electric bill.

Check Your Monthly Bills

Granted, I hadn’t even looked at my telephone bill in a long time. It’s like the gas and electric bills. You have to have it and you pay whatever the bill is when it comes in.

Although you can’t exist without a phone of some kind, of course, it doesn’t have to be a landline. Yes, I do have a cell, but I hate it. It’s uncomfortable to talk on, but maybe I ought to just cut off my landline and use it. John White, who publishes the Associated Construction Newspapers, told me recently he did that at his house because he seldom used the landline.

I’m not tied to my landline anymore for my Internet connection. After I discovered CLEAR WiMAX, I cut my much slower DSL several months ago. That left me with just a basic landline, no frills. No caller ID. No call waiting. No call forwarding. With BlackBerries, SmartPhones and I-phones, who needs land-line frills?

Turn Off Auto Pilot Paying

After trading in the overpriced DSL in favor of the cheaper and better WiMAX technology, instead of just paying the phone bill on auto pilot as I had done for years, I decided to take a look at it.

Here’s what I discovered. I have a residential line that is costing me $17.55 a month. Reasonable enough for something I seldom use. So why is the total bill $28.38? The itemized fees fall into two categories on the bill:

• Surcharges and OTHER Fees

• Government Fees and Taxes

Under Surcharges and OTHER Fees, there is something called Federal Universal Service Fee, quantity 1, for 83 cents. Then there is a Federal Subscriber Line Charge, quantity 1, for $6.50. I guess if you have more lines you pay more?

There is also a Federal Excise Tax of 72 cents – yeah, something I understand. There is Georgia State/Local Tax of $1.23 – again, something I understand.

But what the heck is the Telecommunication Relay SVC Fund, quantity 1? And why even bother to collect the 5 cents on the bill for that?

Then there is the Emergency 911 – DeKalb County, quantity 1, for $1.50. OK, that I understand, though with everyone who has a landline apparently paying at least $1.50, those employees must be making big bucks working there. Maybe I should apply for a job. I can answer phones and I wouldn’t send the Emergency dispatch to the wrong house which happens too often.

So from $17.55 for a residential line, we’ve gone to $28.38.

I remember calling the phone company a few years ago to question a long-distance charge on my bill. This was after Southern Bell but before little AT&T – somewhere in the BellSouth years. Since I had a professional customer service rep on the phone I decided to ask her about all the additional charges just out of curiosity. Even she couldn’t explain what all the additional charges were. We both laughed and agreed that nobody knows. The phone bill will just have to remain one of the great mysteries of life, I guess.

NewsFlash: Sarah Palin’s Book Coming Sooner than Expected

The publication date for Sarah Palin’s memoir has been moved up from spring 2010 to Nov. 17, 2009 by HarperCollins Publishers. That’s good news for those of us eagerly waiting to read the former governor’s intellectual treatise.

But it does raise the question of why the publication was moved up. According to new releases, Sarah reportedly finished her memoir in less than three months after she freed herself from governing Alaska. Perhaps she didn’t have as much wisdom to impart as she originally thought she would. Or, perhaps the publication date was moved up to capitalize on her waning popularity now that she’s no longer governor. By next spring her already overextended 15 minutes of fame could be over, causing book sales to plummet.

Of course Sarah isn’t writing the book herself. That plum assignment went to Lynn Vincent, the editor of World, an evangelical magazine. Some people have all the luck! However, even being an unemployed journalist right now, I just don’t think I could go there. It would be like selling my soul to the devil and so far I’ve managed to avoid that.

Now all we have to wait for is S. C. Gov. Mark Sanford to write a book justifying his adventures with his Argentine “soul mate” mistress and his numerous questionable travel expenses.

He reportedly flew pricey commercial airline seats despite state requirements for low-cost travel, failed to disclose on ethics or campaign finance documents his use of private planes, and spent $63,000 for charter jets on European trade trips when commercial travel would have been far less expensive.

Meanwhile, Sanford, a well-known preacher of frugality, went so far as to tell his staff to use both sides of Post-It notes. I’m not sure how that’s possible with glue only being on one side.

Guess he could be called the do-as-I-say, not as-I-do, governor. Come on, Gov., give us that tell-all book explaining things.

I’ll Take an Earthquake Anytime over Flooding

Startled awake, at first I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming when the doorbell rang at 4:13 Monday morning.  But I pulled on my pants, grabbed a shirt and went downstairs anyway. There was my neighbor Miguel alerting people to the flooding. Peachtree Creek, which runs alongside my condo complex, was overflowing its banks after six continuous days of rain in Atlanta.

Water was already up to my porch – almost two feet above the grass. The road in front of my condo was completely flooded. Cars on the opposite side of the parking lot were already immoveable. Since my Acura was on the upper side, Miguel thought I could still move it. At first I thought not. I couldn’t drive out the road. It was too flooded.

We decided I might be able to drive my car up the grassy hill between the condos. I got into the car, along with a rush of water as I opened the door. A couple of other neighbors did the same, following behind me up the hill. I’m nominating Miguel for sainthood.

The worst was yet to be

After moving the car, I came back inside thinking the worst was over. But that was just the midpoint, like the eye of a hurricane. Soon there was a foot of water outside the back of the condo where just a few minutes ago I had easily driven the car up the hill on the grass. Fortunately the water stopped rising before it reached the cars.

But water started to flow in under the front door of my condo. Then water began to flow in under the patio doors in the back until there was a foot of water inside the main level. Looking down from upstairs, it began to get scary. I grabbed a small travel bag from the closet that was large enough to hold the dog, and threw it on the floor just in case I needed to plan an escape.

Fortunately the rush of water inside the condo stabilized at 12 inches, covering just one stair step, as we nervously remained upstairs. After a few hours, the water began to recede. Unlike many in the Atlanta area, we were lucky. We only have to rip up the flooring on the first floor, sterilize, paint and toss a few things.

Once the water receded, we immediately called Stanley Steemer who said they would send a crew out that afternoon. The forecast was for more rain and later in the afternoon we noticed that Peachtree Creek was rising again. We quickly rescheduled Stanley Steemer for Tuesday, just in case. No need to clean up water damage twice. By 5:30, the creek rose two feet to the top of the bank and then rose again sending a surge of water across the road. It rapidly covered the parking lot.

Here we go again!

The water kept rising until it reached the top step at my front porch, where it remained for about 30 minutes. But then it started to recede and, over the course of an hour, returned to the creek bank.

Dealing with the mess after this flooding, I realized that I have now experienced the major natural disasters – flood, hurricane, tornado and earthquake – from having lived in different parts of the country. Hurricanes in Fort Lauderdale. Earthquakes in San Francisco. Tornadoes in South Carolina and Georgia. And now the Great Georgia Flood of 09.

Laughing back the tears

Sometimes humor takes over and you laugh to keep from crying. I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing. After all, laughter is therapeutic, too. So in that vein, I’m been evaluating which “disaster” I prefer, and I think I’m going back to California.

Earthquakes can actually be sort of fun, if you’re on solid ground and far enough away from the epicenter. I was in San Francisco for the Quake of ‘89 (now affectionately known as the World Series Earthquake). Unlike those in the low lying Marina District, there was no real damage to my apartment in Diamond Heights — just a few books that fell off the shelves. The lights went out, so we lit candles and had a very romantic evening. If you time things just right, the rolls of the aftershocks can be quite enjoyable in the bedroom.

Hurricanes can also be fun, but only if you’re not a property owner and have a friend who lives in a hurricane-safe high rise that is well stocked for partying with plenty of booze and food. After all, it was the natural disaster that inspired one of the great disco-era songs – Carol Douglas’ “A Hurricane is Coming Tonite.”

Tornadoes I do not like, though if it meant escaping from Kansas, I might feel differently, even without Toto and Ruby Red Slippers. Despite “The Wizard of Oz,” tornadoes have no redeeming quality. They offer no romantic allure or party appeal. They’re just not fun. My idea of fun isn’t jumping into a dry bathtub or cramming into a small closet with people. Besides, tornadoes are way too unpredictable. I can never remember if a tornado watch or a tornado warning is more serious. At any rate, the weather forecasters didn’t even predict the last one that came through downtown Atlanta and damaged a big chunk of it, not far from my condo.   

And floods – well, this was my first and hopefully my last, but by living this close to Peachtree Creek, there’s no guarantee on that one. Floods are way too unpredictable, too, and although I do enjoy water, I like my water clean, not an overflow from a polluted creek. Yep, California and earthquakes are beginning to sound pretty good right now as I continue mopping up this mess.

A Positive ‘Disaster’ for South Carolina

After months of providing rich fodder for late-night talk show comics, my home state of South Carolina finally has something positive in the news. No, Gov. Mark Sanford has not resigned…yet. Nor has Sen. Joe Wilson taken a vow of silence.

South Carolina will become home to a state-of-the-art disaster research facility.

The Institute for Business & Home Safety (IBHS) officially broke ground September 16 for its disaster safety research center in Chester County, SC. This lab will have the ability to subject full-sized, 2,000 square foot, one- and two-story homes, light commercial construction and agricultural buildings to a variety of hazards, including realistic Category 3 hurricanes, wind-blown fire (mimicking wildfire embers), and hailstorms.

The primary purpose of this $40 million multi-peril research facility – funded entirely by property insurance companies, reinsurers and brokers – is to identify effective methods of minimizing risk and loss to homes, businesses, and communities resulting from natural disasters.

“When finished next year, this research facility will effectively represent a quantum leap forward for building science,” notes Julie Rochman, IBHS President and CEO. “IBHS will be able to meticulously recreate a variety of natural catastrophes in a very controlled, repeatable environment. This will allow us to identify and evaluate various building material and construction techniques and systems in ways that have only been dreamed of by scientists, public policymakers and industry for many years.”

Rochman says that construction of this research center is extremely complex, yet the assembled team of professionals is on track to complete construction by spring 2010. “Keeping high winds, water, fire and hail out of homes and businesses is our goal as an organization – managing high winds, water, fire and hail in a laboratory setting presents a whole different set of challenges. We are proud to be associated with Odell Associates (architect), Walter P. Moore (structural engineers), United Engineering Group (mechanical, electrical, and plumbing), and Holder Construction (general contractor) for this historic undertaking.”

Findings Will Be Public

In addition, Rochman adds, all of IBHS research will be made publicly available, so that consumers and builders will know which products and systems provide the best protection against wind, water, fire and hail. This will be done both by creation of written reports, and via high-speed, high-definition video of the tests that will be shared with media and on the web.

IBHS has been a leader in using building science to develop real-world approaches to reduce the risks posed by natural disasters and other perils. Events in recent years, including tornadoes, hurricanes and wildfires, have given IBHS researchers opportunities for field work, during which they have learned much about how to better engineer structures against certain risks. There remain, however, knowledge gaps that can be filled only with testing in controlled environments, which the new research center will provide.

IBHS has installed a web camera at the construction site, which takes photos every 15 minutes and provides time lapse capabilities to see the progress of the facility’s construction over time. Click here to view the latest photos: http://oxblue.com/pro/open/ibhs/catastrophelab

IBHS is an independent, nonprofit, scientific and educational organization supported by the property insurance industry. The organization works to reduce the social and economic effects of natural disasters and other risks to residential and commercial property by conducting research and advocating improved construction, maintenance and preparation practices.

Need a Laugh? A Chuckle? At least maybe a Smile?

With so much discord going on, especially over health care, we need a break. It’s time for some humor. Fortunately a friend sent me some celebrity quotes this morning so I’m going to share them. Some of these sayings I have actually heard the person they’re attributed to say, usually during an interview or a stand up comedy routine. However, I have no idea if all of the attributions are authentic, even though they seem reasonable given the celebrities’ public personas. 

Hopefully some of them will make you laugh out loud, chuckle or at least put a smile on your face.  

• Ah yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. – Robin Williams
• Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. – Rod Stewart 
• I believe that sex is one of the most natural, beautiful, wholesome things money can buy. – Tom Clancy 
• You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me, neither. – Steve Martin. 
• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. – Woody Allen 
• My neighbors are having sex. Sounds like he’s having a blast. Inspired and goal oriented. She’s meandering through it with little fanfare. — Dane Cook 
• Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. – Billy Crystal 
• Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationship. – Sharon Stone 
• My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading. – Steve Jobs 
• My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. – Jack Nicholson 
• Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. – Rosanne 
• According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of women. They say women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. – Robert DeNiro 
• Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. – George Burns 
• See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. – Robin Williams 
• Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. – Barbara Bush (and you thought our former First Lady didn’t have a sense of humor!)